I'm a doctor, I can cope !!

I have read the other blogs and can identify with much of what has been written.
Where my story differs is that I knew what was wrong but tried over many months to ignore it as being the usual vivid imagination of a medic. At the age of 42 I had been qualified as a doctor for 20 years and had been a GP for major part of that time.

I told no one of my fears. Eventually I could stand it no longer and went to my GP and told her I wanted referring to a neurologist because I had PD. I don’t think she really believed me but referred me anyway.

When the consultant received the letter he rang me at home to come to his clinic that day (I know how lucky I am to have had such a professional courtesy). My husband was at home when I took the call and this was the first time he knew anything was wrong!
He was devastated as he learnt in under 2 hours what I had been denying to myself for 6 months-I had PD and he knew what that meant-the internet “enlightened” him more when he got home –unfortunately completely wrong –he thought Id be dead by 7-8 years post diagnosis and that is complete rubbish-stressful for both of us to say the least. Perhaps others can begin to understand my hatred of misinformation on the internet; it devastated our lives for many months.

The people who were let in on the news were but a handful. I didn’t want my kids to know and was worried that someone would let slip some comment. They were approaching GCSE’s and Alevels. They were not told for over 4 years and they have told me that they are glad they didn’t know but feel guilty at not being there for me.

I was used to getting on with things by myself and not needing outside help, not letting my guard down, I was the helper, supporter, carer and I could cope. And I was a GP so I knew about illness, why would I need a support group! And to admit to the thought of not being in control was terrifying.

Realising that you can talk to others who understand and that you actually cope better by sharing with them is quite a new experience for me.

Finding PDUK through PDS forum transformed my life and I have met some remarkable people who have helped me in practical and psychological terms. The 2 way support -being able to help and be helped in return has been such a positive feature in my life.

The sense of isolation has diminished so much and also I have found it easier to discuss with "old" friends after learning to be more open with "new" PD friends. A very major step for a control freak.

I have always been a glass half full sort of person, and having lost several friends in their 40’s who will never see their kids graduate, marry, have kids etc, I still see my present and future positively-prefer to be cured like everyone-but I have discovered that there are lots of opportunities and activities I never knew about or had the time for to explore whilst waiting for the cure-but if the cure happened tomorrow that would not be a day too soon!

Karen