Keep Smiling by Charmaine

hi

it was the year 1998 when i noticed my right arm was swollen, i was 36. went to gp couldn't find an explanation told me lose some weight it may help. this went on for about two years or more, then we took my son back to portsmouth in the year 2000, when we had a horrific crash on the motorway car was a right off but we all survived me having the worst a bit of whip lash and bruising, after that things settled but i did notice my little finger started to twitch right side again. this went on for years, went back and for gp but nothing.2003 we lost our grandaughter, so things were awful in our house trying to come to terms with that as well as these symptoms i was getting,by 2004 i was becoming a nightmare to live with, never really noticed at the time but i iwas moody,nasty, i was struggling to get through the day but because the gp said he could find nothing well you just get on with it.gary had a massive heart attack so i had to deal with that as well, i had to be strong for him and the children, 2005 i went back to gp, this time he sent me to the hospital, so i went to see this 2nd in command he said he thought it was benign essential tremor, me being green thought ok, went to work carried on but struggling to work and shop for a family of five, i was exhausted and becoming nasty.apparently i had no facial features i was mask like but my family never told me..i would look striaght through them if they were talking to me.this one particular day i decided to have my tarot cards read and she told me to get a second opinion at the hospital so i did i had an appointment through on 4th august 2006 at 10.30am walked in he said you have pd no oquestion about it, through tears the only thing i could say was is it hereditary he said no.i came over all relieved, but i had not heard of pd so did not know what to expect,the nurses were marvellous they knew my sis was working that day on eye clinic so they took me to see her we had a hug and i couldn't stop crying. from that moment on i knew i had two choices i could either give up or fight,(which was not really an option i had to be strong gor my children) so i went on the internet trying to find any thing i could about pd and how to deal with it.my dad doesn't think any thing is wrong with me, he's a classic bury your head in the sand type of guy.i couldn't let my kids see me give up i had to fight for them to be as strong as i can, even now when my kids are with me 26,25,19 i put on a act. it's wrong i know but that's me. the one thing i don't like is people who hardly now me ask how are you, would they ask if nothing is wrong with you, people treat you differently.
hope this isn't too long charmaine