Briony's Journey

Revelation
The letter from the hospital was reassuring and told me that the results of my MRI scan were normal. I was unconcerned and went alone to see the Neurologist. After watching me walk down the corridor with no arm-swing, he told me I had Parkinson's disease. For a moment I was speechless then all I could say was "Will I go bonkers?”. He thought not. At first he made light of the condition saying that I could live a normal life –almost. But as I left he reached out, shook my hand and said he was terribly sorry because I was too young at 47. That's when I knew it was serious.

Resentment
After frantically scouring the Internet I discovered the world of Parkinson's. It was frightening and had a language of its own: Bradykinesia and cog-wheeling sounded uncomfortable, drooling, freezing and hallucinations were alarming, but the words progressive and incurable kept echoing in my head. This disease was a kill-joy that would terminate my job and stifle my enthusiasm. Many offered sympathy, others unhelpful advice such as "Be positive" or "You're lucky you haven't got cancer". Even M.J.Fox titled his book “Lucky Man”. I didn’t feel the least bit lucky, but just a loser. These early years were the worst and dominated by diminishing self confidence and anxiety. I resented the way that Parkinson’s was changing me and I was beginning to lose my identity.

Resignation
I was unprepared for the relief that medication brought and four years after diagnosis my condition and outlook improved. I had accepted the inevitable and started taking Levodopa; the change was remarkable and I began to feel revived. My limbs unlocked, my left arm swung again, I could run, swim and drive. But most important I got back my personality and began to laugh. I would accommodate this disease and I was in control again and saw a positive future ahead. These were to be my good years or “Parkinson’s honeymoon”, when PD would know its place in this arranged marriage.

Realisation
One sunny afternoon in September 2006, just after I had retired from teaching I sat in the garden, scruffy from weeding, and realised that I was free. I was responsible to no-one, I no longer had to meet targets and it was a relief to have quit the race and to move along in the slow lane. Since then I have been creative, pursuing those interests which I never had time for and making new friendships. Parkinson's has changed my life but it has not crushed by spirit. It has presented me with obstacles, but also opportunities and in the grand scheme of things, I now consider myself lucky


Briony